Pastoral Letter
Dear Friends,
February is always remembered as the month of love because of Valentine's Day. According to legend, the valentine takes its name from a young Christian who once lived in ancient Rome. The Roman soldiers did not want to leave their homes to fight the emperor's wars. Emperor Claudius II ordered the young men not to marry. He thought that if they did not have homes, they would be willing to go away and fight. Valentine felt sorry for the unhappy young men and their sweethearts and so he married many of them secretly. Like so many of the early Christians, Valentine was imprisoned because of his faith. Legend tells us that just outside his cell window grew a cluster of violets. He picked some of the heart-shaped leaves and pierced them to spell the words, "Remember your Valentine", then sent them off by a friendly dove, to assure his loved ones of his well-being and his love. On the next day and the next, he sent more messages that simply said, "I love you." Thus the valentine had its beginning. On Valentine's Day, people of all ages remember those they love by sending valentines.
God invented love, and, in the love that couples share in their relationship, they get a glimpse of His love for them. The Bible tells us that "God is love, and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them" (1 John 4:16). That statement says a great deal about the role of God in marriage.
I find that Couples are often very unclear in their minds about the legal position of getting married in a parish Church. As a Church of England Vicar I am in the very privileged and responsible position of being appointed both the Minister presiding over a marriage ceremony and the Registrar making a legal record of the marriage. This is because the Church of England is still legally recognised as the established Church of our country.
One of the happy implications of being the established Church is that couples needn't be baptised members to be married in their parish Church, they simply have to meet the residential qualifications. Normally the legality of the marriage is established by the reading of banns for three consecutive Sundays, but it can also be established by the issuing of a licence or a special licence (although in the case of a special licence at least one of the parties needs to be baptised). During 2008 the Church of England agreed that many more couples can avoid the necessity of applying for a Special Licence if they can demonstrate a strong personal or family connection with a particular Church, even if they no longer live in the parish. The banns are read in the normal way with the addition of the statement that the person/persons have a "qualifying connection with the Church".
In recent years the Church of England has softened its approach to the remarriage of divorced persons in Church. It is still regarded as the exception rather than the norm, but, if a couple can demonstrate that their relationship is free from the burdens of past mistakes and not the cause of the divorce, then we are happy to welcome the remarriage of divorced persons in Church. We recognise that God is about forgiveness as well as love, that He understands our failures and weaknesses and wants to help us to come to terms with the burdens of the past. He wants to help us to rebuild our lives and to find new happiness and the loving companionship of a new relationship.
My task in helping a couple prepare for their wedding day is to guide them through the proposed ceremony, and to help them make it a truly memorable and special occasion. This means making the service personal for them by helping them choose readings, music and hymns that are special to them, advising them on the role of friends and family in the ceremony and helping them to prepare the order of the service. I also help them to understand the full implications of what they are entering into, and we often have lively discussions on the issues of communication in marriage, sharing decision making, dealing with money and coping with conflict and disagreements.
The liturgy of the Church of England provides for a standard form of vows to be said by the couple. This is the focal point of the service, and represents a public declaration of the love that the bride and groom have for each other. These days the majority of couples exchange rings, reminding them of the equality that exists in the marriage relationship today, and this is also emphasised by the bride no longer being required to - "obey her husband".
Getting married in Church is surprisingly inexpensive by comparison with all the other costs often associated with weddings, and with the setting of a wonderful mediaeval building, the bells, the music and the flowers there cannot be a more perfect setting for a marriage ceremony. So, if you are considering getting married, talk to me about the possibility of getting married in your local parish Church.
May God bless you all,