Exams - A Test of Love?
This is the time of year when people are sitting exams and handing in
coursework - and I'm not just talking about children and young people who
are taking SATs, GCSEs, A-Levels and NVQs. Now, with the advent of things like
online courses and the University of the Third Age, learning is a lifelong
pursuit. Indeed, I have my own essays to write and exams to sit as I complete
my three years at Spurgeons College where I have been training for the Baptist
ministry.
When you are in the midst of the assessment process, you can quickly become overwhelmed with the pressures of what success or failure might mean for your future - you think everything is resting on the outcome of a few hours work. It is very easy to lose perspective, which is why it is important that friends and family help to put things in a proper balance for you. This is the time when you most need to hear that their love for you is unconditional, and not dependent upon what grade you get or whether you've got a higher mark than somebody else.
Although we are often well meaning, sometimes the messages we give can be unhelpful. For example, if we wait until the exam results are in before taking somebody out for a celebration meal or giving them a present or a card, then we're subtly reinforcing the fact that it's the results which matter and not them as a person. Why not take them out just before the exam or just afterwards - this communicates to them that you're aware of it being a stressful time and that in your love for them you want to give them an opportunity to unwind and relax. In an atmosphere of unconditional love and support the fear of failure disappears and the desire to succeed increases.
When we perceive 'tokens of love'as a reward for achievement rather than signs of unconditional appreciation we can carry the message this gives us into later life. I speak from personal experience because I realise that often in my work life I have pursued success not in its own right but as a way of 'earning'the love of my parents - and I suspect I am not the only one who has done this. Some people also carry this sort of mindset into how they see God - thinking that they can earn His approval by doing good things rather than enjoying a relationship with Him that is based on His unconditional love for them. In such a relationship, you still want to do good things, but out of love, rather than because of duty or out of the fear of disapproval and rejection.
I am pleased, therefore, that even before they have received the results of my study at Spurgeons, the members of Lode Chapel have decided to ask me to stay on and become their full-time minister (I was only part-time before). This means that I am likely to be around in these villages for at least another three years - and I look forward to all of the new opportunities this will present. If you are taking any sort of test or exam this month, I pray that you too will know the love and support of those around you at this stressful time.