Pastoral Letter
Dear Friends,
I've often found that at the beginning of a new year I receive more than the usual number of enquiries from couples thinking about getting married in Church, and this year is no exception. I very much enjoy the whole process of advising and helping a couple prepare for their wedding day and presiding over the ceremony itself. Our five parishes very much value and appreciate couples asking to be married in their Church buildings. Marriage in Church says so much about the importance of the parish Church as a central focal point of village life. It says a great deal about continuity, about history and the importance of belonging in a fast changing world. Above all, it says a great deal about the role of God in marriage. God invented love, and, in the love that couples share in their relationship, they get a glimpse of His love for them. As someone once wrote 'A perfect marriage is a marriage of three persons: a man, a woman and God.'
I find that Couples are often very unclear in their minds about the legal position of getting married in a parish Church. As a Church of England Vicar I am in the very privileged and responsible position of being appointed both the Minister presiding over a marriage ceremony and the Registrar making a legal record of the marriage. This is because the Church of England is still legally recognised as the established Church of our country.
One of the happy implications of being the established Church is that couples needn't be baptised members to be married in their parish Church they simply have to meet the residential qualifications. Normally the legality of the marriage is established by the reading of banns for three consecutive Sundays, but it can also be established by the issuing of a licence or a special licence (although in the case of a special licence at least one of the parties needs to be baptised). Couples wishing to get married in a parish Church, other than the one in the place where they live, can do so by applying for a special licence, or if they are members of the Church electoral roll (but for this they will need to have been baptised). They can apply for a special licence if they have had some meaningful past connection with the Church in which they wish to get married.
In recent years the Church of England has softened its approach to the remarriage of divorced persons in Church. It is still regarded as the exception rather than the norm, but, if a couple can demonstrate that their relationship is free from the burdens of past mistakes and not the cause of the divorce, then we are happy to welcome the remarriage of divorced persons in Church. We recognise that God is about forgiveness as well as love, that He understands our failures and weaknesses and wants to help us to come to terms with the burdens of the past. He wants to help us to rebuild our lives and to find new happiness and the loving companionship of a new relationship.
My task in helping a couple prepare for their wedding day is to guide them through the proposed ceremony, and to help them make it a truly memorable and special occasion. This means making the service personal for them by helping them choose readings, music and hymns that are special to them, advising them on the role of friends and family in the ceremony and helping them to prepare the order of the service. I also help them to understand the full implications of what they are entering into, and we often have lively discussions on the issues of communication in marriage, sharing decision making, dealing with money and coping with conflict and disagreements.
The liturgy of the Church of England provides for a standard form of vows to be said by the couple. This is the focal point of the service, and represents a public declaration of the love that the bride and groom have for each other. These days the majority of couples exchange rings, reminding them of the equality that exists in the marriage relationship today, and this is also emphasised by the bride no longer being required to 'obey'her husband.
Getting married in Church is surprisingly inexpensive by comparison with all the other costs often associated with weddings, and with the setting of a wonderful mediaeval building, the bells, the music and the flowers there cannot be a more perfect setting for a marriage ceremony. So, if you are considering getting married, talk to me about the possibility of getting married in your local parish Church.
May God bless you all,